Is it possible that you might be avoiding your grief, but still suffering?
Here are three signs of being stuck in complex grief.
You might be:
1.) FROZEN and unable to feel the depths of your pain because of a trauma response. This is really common when we are dealing with complex grief (grief layered with trauma). But when you’re unable to feel the depths of your sorrow, you’re also unable to feel joy. Things can feel emotionally flat. We can’t have both the capacity to feel joy and also never feel any pain.
2.) Stuck in FIGHT/FLIGHT mode. Constantly on the offensive, your nervous system is shot. You see threat everywhere and it feels like the problem always exist outside of you. Not only is this exhausting, but it wreaks havoc on your nervous system + relationships.
3.) Stuck in a FAWN response. You’re trying to please everyone and keep the peace to avoid conflict. You avoid saying how you really feel or what’s on your mind. This response requires a high amount of control, but underneath, there is a deep fear of everything falling apart and becoming worse than it already is.
In denying yourself the right to get angry, cry and rage, you may end up feeling like you live in an isolated bubble surrounded by others.
The cool thing is, there is actually an intelligence to these responses.
The pain is pointing you towards where your nervous systems want to heal. Suffering is, in a way, the longing of these places to transform.
Most people wait until they are really desperate to reach out and get support for their grief. I often wish I could have reached people sooner, because while grief work doesn’t end the suffering, it gives you a way of working with it that starts to include JOY + DEEP CONNECTION in your life again.
