As I write this I am listening to the cacauphony of birds gathered around our feeder. I’m feeling grateful to have so much beauty gathered here.
I think there are over 10 different species of songbirds coming and going, as well as the brilliant blue Stellar Jays, Doves, and this morning I saw a Hummingbird coming to check out the party.
Here in the Pacific Northwest, it rains a lot in this season and the daylight hours are short. I personally find it is key to find the glimmers of beauty each day as the season of “underworld” advances.
It is also a very powerful time for harvesting insights and reflections, and to rest in preparation for the year ahead. And as we reflect and release, with it comes natural grief.
Our society seems to pressure us to speed up and get even more done in this season when our bodies naturally want to slow down, rest and reflect more.
I wanted to share with you a few tips I have found helpful in “surthriving” through the winter holiday season, particularly for grievers.
But truly these ideas apply to anyone with a sensitive nervous system.
1. Legs up the Wall. Maximizing the rest you ARE able to take is key. Even if you can only rest for 5-10 minutes, you can magnify the benefits by laying out your yoga mat and scooching your butt right up to the wall or couch and elevating your legs for that time. This drains the lymphatic system and amplifies your rest.
2. Boundaries. You’re not just allowed to have them – they are critical. When you’re grieving, taking care of yourself becomes extra critical.
“No, thank you.” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to explain yourself, it’s okay to decline invitations that don’t feel nourishing.
3. Prep Your Friends and Family. It’s okay and normal to cry a lot when you are grieving. Heck, it’s okay and normal to cry period. If you know you’re extra sensitive and might cry at any moment, let your people know that this is just the way it is right now, and that they don’t have to do anything to try to fix you.
3.5 More On Crying. Crying is part of a healthy nervous system when we’re grieving, and sometimes we have to advocate for our tears because there’s just so much stigma around them.
Also, if you are finding yourself feeling super tender in a place where you really don’t want to cry, practice focusing on your breathe and counting “1,2,3,4 (inhale) …1,2,3,4 (exhale)” so you create a rhythmic breathe and focus your mind there rather than on whatever is triggering you.
4. Stay away from too much alcohol & sugar. Particularly if you’re already struggling, alcohol is a nervous system depressant, and sugar gives us a short high followed by a big low. Use moderation, and be compassionate with yourself if you fall off the wagon.
5. Light a Candle. This brings in light and gives your mind somewhere to focus. You can also talk to the Ancestors/Your Beloved Dead through the flame of the candle.
“Imagination is intuition.” – Kimber Finney
6. Wrap Yourself Up. Wrapping yourself tightly in a shawl or blanket and rocking side to side or front to back while focusing on the breathe and/or a candle can be incredibly comforting.
7. Move Your Body. Movement through dance is one of the primary ways we work with grief in this community. Put on your favourite song and dance through the emotion. This not only helps move grief energy, but it brings in positive endorphins and energy. End this practice by laying or sitting in stillness for several minutes.
Keep reading for journalling prompts, some of my favourite winter grief poems as well as a few more heartfelt seasonal offerings. ✨✨✨
❄️ 🤍❄️ Sending you so much love for the season ❄️ 🤍❄️
With love,
Josea & the Dark Woods Team
